WEDNESDAY -11/12 – aka “DIEM HORRIBILIS”

when we got here Dad was on a Bi-Pap, which is the hospital’s version of C-Pap ,and was not opening his eyes at all. There were longer periods between when you could get any answer out of him.

Just after the neurologist, Dr. O’Duffy came by Dad had some sort of cardiac “episode” and we had to leave the room. When they let us come back Dad was even less responsive and I noticed they weren’t as concerned about enforcing the 2 visitor limit.

Around mid-day we were called in to a Family Consult Room. Dr. V, Dr. Rachel, and Dad’s nurse were there. Dr. V referred to a specific clause in the Living Will that basically said that if his attending physician saw no possibility of an outcome that would be “favorable” then artificial interventions were to be withdrawn. He went on to say that two neurosurgeons had reviewed Dad’s case and said that surgery wasn’t an option, and since Dad couldn’t have surgery the pressure was going to build and his breathing would be compromised, and because of the weak condition of his heart they wouldn’t be able to do anything that wouldn’t probably kill him. He was saying that no matter what, Dad was going to die. Then he showed us the CT scan from Monday and pointed out why this was a hopeless situation.

Afterward we called all the grandchildren to let them know to come and see their Pa-pa while there was the chance he’d be able to say “I love you,” to them. We called scores of other people to get more prayers in the pipeline. And we refused to give up. Mom called Dr. Serafin’s office (Dad’s primary care physician), and he said he’d come by on Thursday morning.

Just before we left for dinner we were told that someone had ordered another CT. After we came back a Resident came by and said that the opinion regarding surgery had not changed, and he would make arrangements for a palliative care team to come by the next day to speak to us. It was really late and Mom needed to rest, but she didn’t want to leave Dad. I decided I would stay since I knew I wouldn’t sleep anyway, and Judy stayed with me.

Throughout the night Dad would be awake enough every couple of minutes to get one response out of him. Even with the Bi-Pap his breathing was very labored.

I had a very hard time getting my head to accept how close Dad was to death - never mind my heart. He was still aware of our presence; how could it be that we were being told to let him go?